Amorvia Extrasolar

I’m talking about de-emotionalizing your life.

It is crazy out their. Working in real estate has opened my eyes about money and emotions. They go hand in hand you know. As a minister I was never exposed to the direct consequences of money. I only saw the fall out, the emotional and spiritual mess left behind in the wave after the collision. There I could pray with people, support them and empower them to move on. Sounds good, doesn’t it. It is.

But working in real estate I am not only on the scene of the crash but I am a witness as it happens! I’m talking about the crazy world of working with financial institution, regulatory agencies, and real people with kids, dogs and lives that matter.

If there is one word that captures the essence of the money and emotional crash it is fear. And fear’s by-product is anger. Walk into to some foreclosed homes, witness the destruction and see what I mean. I’m not just talking about a few holes in the wall where angry former home owners express their rage by punching and kicking holes in the wall, but sludge hammer smashing beautiful granite counter tops. Anger’s child is Rage.

Today let me give you a life lesson about how to avoid the extreme emotions related to issues in contemporary life.

1. Your problems don’t really matter to institutions. The bottom line for every institution is getting the most money they can, either by stopping their loss, or increasing their revenue. In other words you and your feelings don’t matter. That is just a fact. What this means is that there is not “personal attack” on you or your family. Since they don’t have an emotional connection with you your emotional response will not help you. So don’t get emotional about it. When it is possible have a dispassionate third party assist you. It is like they say, “It is just business.”
2. Get professional help. The beauty of the short sale process (that is when you negotiate with the bank to sell your home for less than you owe) is that your Realtor does all the negotiating for you. If you can do that with your other financial conflicts it will save you a lot grieve.
3. Lower level employees and negotiators can’t really help you, so don’t get angry with them. When ever you pick up the phone to deal with an institution you will talk with a low paid clerk who has no authority to help you except of get money from you. That is just their job. Don’t yell at them. They can’t help you. I recently had a problem with a communication company and literally spent 60 minutes on the phone trying to resolve an issue. When the second level supervisor failed to make a scheduled phone appointment I emailed the CEO and in two five minute phone calls (originating from them!) my problem was solved.
4. You can catch more flies with sugar than you can with vinegar. Be nice, in fact be loving. Remember Jesus said, “Love your enemies.” The people who work for institutions are just trying to make a living. They have children and dogs, too. Here is a secret; they want to feel good about their lives and jobs. Give them a reason to succeed and they will help you.

There is way too much stress in the world. There is very little you can do when dealing with nameless, faceless institutions. So don’t let them get you down. Work on a positive note with people. Ask, “How can you help me get my problem resolved?” and you’ll make some headway.

But for you sake, for your peace of mind, and for your pocket book, don’t scream and get emotional when dealing with money issues and institutions. It is a prescription for disaster. Instead, love the person on the other end and keep your sanity.

I love you– Bryan

“Elite performers are distinguished by the structuring of their learning process…You need to protect and optimize that practice, learning time…” – Dr. Brett Steenbarger, Associate Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, SUNY Medical University, and author of Enhancing Trader Performance.

The idea of being an “elite performer” catches the imagination. Having just witnessed the Olympics we are intrigued by these elite individuals whose structured optimize learning and practice helped them to beat the competition (by a mere one-hundredth of a second!), overcome personal limitations (like debilitating painful injuries), and win the gold. It was amazing and inspiring.

I was inspired at the Keller Williams Family Reunion last month by a panel of Mega-Producers. They sold anywhere from 170+ units to well over 300+ in the 2009 market! Mind blowing! Listening to them I learned they have precision systems that they have perfected and they continue to optimize their time.

Now this phenomenon is not limited to world class sports and real estate sales. These are merely metaphors of life. The question is what do you need to do to have the optimal experience of life?

Yesterday my son Jared asked me to go with him to preview a home. As we drove down the road together he noted how great it was that he has the opportunity to work with his dad. It is indeed one of the coolest of life experiences I have experienced from a dad’s perspective. Imagine having a great relationship with your father and being able to be around him every day in a positive life giving way. I didn’t have that with my dad. I wish I did. I can understand how working with family can be challenging, but for our family it has enriched our life experience exponentially.

 However, in order for that to happen I had to put myself in a new learning environment. I had to figure out how I could be the professional minister and pastor that I spent 30 years developing and enjoying, and move into the realm of real estate (a huge leap by the way) to be with my wife and adult children.

 I will admit that there was a kind of accidental unfolding of events (if you believe is such things) but I have had to be very intentional in structuring and optimizing my time and energy so that I could achieve that which I passionately desire; to be with the ones I love.

 My wife (Jennifer), Jared and I were talking about how people prioritize, optimize, protect and manage their family life/time and we observed that how people actually spend their time is a indicator of what is most important in their life. We noted that many people simply have their priorities all mixed up. It is obvious to the observer why they are not happy. By the way, how do you prioritize your time? A brief analysis could be revealing

It all boils down to this one thing; if you want to have an optimal life experience, if you want to be a “mega” liver of life, then you need to structure, protect, optimize, and manage that which is most important to you.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one (the elite performer) gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24.

I love you – Bryan Martin

Your experience of having a colonoscopy depends on what happens in the end. I know that sounds kind of funny but research done by Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman shows that your story, or your memory of an event depends on how your experience ended.

I heard Kahneman talk at Ted.com. Having a colonoscopy is not a pleasant experience. But the memory, or story, about having a colonoscopy depends on what happens at the final moments of the colonoscopy. It turns out that if the last few minutes of the colonoscopy are not too bad, then the patient remembers the whole experience as “not too bad.” But if the last few moments of the colonoscopy were painful (even if the rest of the experience wasn’t that bad), then the entire experience was remember as painful.

What is remarkable is what happens at the end of the experience determines how the patient remembers it and talks about it. I have to add here that this experiment was done when colonoscopies were a painful procedure.

This principle of interpreting the whole experience based on what happens at the end turns out to be very important for just about every experience.

Take your sales experience. If you show several houses to a client and the last house is a real dog, say a property that smells like cat urine and is filthy dirty then your client’s interpretation of the whole experience will be colored by that one house, even if you showed some nice ones first. Not good.

Or if you are signing documents and your client is late for work and feels rushed and anxious, then as he or she is leaving she will not have a good story about you or the event. Not good.

Last night I watch a great young singer end her song on a pathetic note on Idol. Guess how the judges judged her. But when Crystal Bowersox sang and her song ended with applause her performance was judged and remembered well. Interesting!

If you ended your encounter with your loved one on a sour note, guess what? Humm..

What are the implications of Kahneman’s research? End well for a positive memory of the experience.

How will you feel about your day at the end? If you go to bed angry, sad, or worried…guess how you will feel. Kahneman gives credence to the idea of being grateful at the end of the day; intentionally recalling the good thing (even when the day was checkered with difficulty), being thankful, expressing gratitude. It makes a difference.

How will your client remember the experience of being with you? Make the last few moments of your meeting great; express appreciation, point out the benefits, express hope, say something good about your client and the experience. Show the best house last.

When you leave your loved one, leave with a smile and a kiss.

Today you will experience the vicissitude of life, something akin to having a colonoscopy I am sure. When it is all said and done and you place your head on the pillow think of this…you are not dwelling in some dark and dank refugee camp worrying about where your babies will get their next meal.

No! You are loved! You have freedom! God loves you! The world is anxiously awaiting your emergence. Victory is at hand! Life is full and rich. You help people who need your unique gift. Your personal story is a story of triumph love and success. If you go to bed with those thoughts do you think it would make a difference? I think so, too!

What if you ended every event with good thoughts and ideas? And those people you meet. Embrace them with hope and a smile. Show them that you care, even with the news isn’t great. Let them leave you encouraged in the end.

I know it sounds crazy, but it is the way human being experience life, that the last few moments of an event determine the memory of the event more than the entire event. Make each ending one to be remembered.

I love you, you are special to me, I really care about you, I believe the best and think the best of you, you make a difference in the world, I appreciate you and I am praying for you… I sincerely am.

I love you – Bryan Martin

The property I was looking for didn’t have a physical address and I only had the Assessor Parcel Number and cross streets. It was an obscure location, not familiar to me. So I open my Google maps and after a few minutes I located the general area and drop a pin on it. Then I zoomed in to get a better idea of the immediate vicinity. As I zoom closer I lost the pin. I didn’t want to zoom out so I manipulated the map long enough to get frustrated, because I was wasting my time and I felt like and primate using space age technology. Finally I came to my senses, got some help, zoomed out, relocated my pin and accomplished my task.
 
This is a good metaphor for those of us who are still trying to manipulate the map try to find the pin point. I feel the intensity, anxiety, pressure and pure psychic pain of so many people who have the right tools, are smart, usually able to get around just fine, but when it come to some important life tasks they feel like a sappy good for nothing failure. It could be about money management (does that ring a bell for you?), relationship problems (Hello! Am I talking to YOU!) health issues (Need to shed a few…a few DOZEN pounds!?) or just plain needing to learn how to get by.
 
Can I tell you why you are going to make it? May I point out to you why you are going to find that pin point and focus in on it?
 
Because that is the way it is supposed to be for you. You were made to make it. You were made to use your brain, get all the help you need, and apply your hard work ethic to getting it done. Everyone wants you to make it. GOD! wants you to make it.
 
What can stop you? One thing; your own emotional reaction to your situation. What if you just stopped feeling so anxious? What if you just got a little bit of help from someone who has just a little more experience than you do, or someone who can jog your process just enough to get you back on track. What if you just zoomed out, refocused and begin your search again.
 
Life is complicated, but it is not so complicated that you need a Ph.D. In fact your Ph.D. just might get in your way. Sales are not that complicated, money management is not that complicated, family life is not that complicated. More important, you are smart enough, good enough, and you have more help around you that it would be hard not to make it. You’ll have ups and lots of downs, everybody does. But you’ll make it. Just don’t let it get too emotional.
 
I have a beautiful dream for your life. God has a beautiful dream for your life. You have a beautiful dream for your life. Don’t freak out, zoom back, get a little help, relocate your pin and accomplish your task.
 
You can read more about this in this weeks Gospel lesson in Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32.
 
I love you – Bryan Martin

p.s. Say a prayer for our brothers and sisters in Haiti and Chile.

American Red Cross (www.Redcross.org)  

Samaritan’s Purse (www.SamaritansPurse.com)

 
Love your neighbor – Help One

So you worked really hard for a long time; lots of time, energy, passion, blood, sweat and tears and you finally reach to top, make the discovery, buy your dream home, travel the world… you’ve made it!

Like Jeff Bridges, who was first nominated for the Oscar 30+ years ago and who this morning is basking in the glory of winning the Oscar of best actor. Bridges, I am sure, is having a big fat breakfast this morning and after smoking a big fat Cuban cigar!

But then what? I mean you can only bask in the glory for a while.

I use to think that if I just got another degree (I have two master degrees and a doctorate) that my life would be great! I’d be all set and never have a worry. But my rock, by great grounding person, my wife would say. You’ll never be satisfied.

Now I think she is right and she is wrong.

We are all about changing; changing and growing. We Jennifer and I were first married I thought that if I became a minister that the very least that would happen is that I could always find a job at a church, keep a roof over my head and food on the table for my family. If I just became a minister. NOT!

Life is not about reaching a plateau or status quo. Life is all about changing, going from one goal to another, helping and loving people in new and better ways. There is no end to the changing and growing. It’s like what Benjamin Franklin said, “When you’re finished changing, your finished.”

Change is a gift from God and is related to the idea of repentance, which literally means to change one’s mind, to turn around. Everybody needs to repent and change. Change, as it turns out, is a moral issue. It is immoral not to change!

• Everybody needs to repent, change, grow and get better; we are all “sinners” • If you know you need to change but you don’t… you are “lost”

• Changing is not just a private matter; when you change you help others to change

• Repeated attempts and failure to change are indications that help is needed; failure to get help is a sin.

So how do you change? Here are the Essentials of Change

• Change must be a passionate desire.

• Change has a specific goal.

• Change is a step wise process.

• Change happens with much resistance and requires dogged persistence

• Change requires tough love coaching

• Change requires more time than you plan for

• Change happens suddenly after a long time

Sometimes change is easy or it happens to you. But most of the time we have to work on it. Let me leave you with a few final thoughts about change.

“Status quo is an illusion because thing are always changing constantly. Embrace the change!” – Bryan Martin

“It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” Winston Churchill

I feel a change coming on, Praise the Lord!

I love you – Bryan Martin

p.s. Say a prayer for our brothers and sisters in Haiti and Chile. American

Red Cross (www.Redcross.org)

Samaritan’s Purse (www.SamaritansPurse.com)

Love your neighbor – Help One

This is NOT just an ordinary Friday. All indicators point to a typical day in the world, earthquake recovery, government politicking, crime fighting, wars progressing, families struggling, the economy fluctuating, and people moving forward with their lives. But this is NOT just an ordinary Friday.

Today you will participate in the rich and meaningful drama of human life that is unfolding all around you. And you are the hero.

It is an Alice In Wonderland experience for many people, and they are not aware if it. So caught up in the hustle and bustle of the craziness of their fantasy world that they don’t know where they are going. “Which way should I go?” they ask as they frantically approach the fork in the road. “What is your destination?” you ask? “I really don’t know,” they say.

They normal response at this point is what? “Well then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”

But today you can be a disrupter. You can interrupt the normal chaos and drama of their fantasy life with a strong dose of realty and tough love.

“Realty and tough love”… do you think that people will like it if you disrupt their fantasy with realty and tough love?

YES! There is nothing like a sobering cup of realty to help get people get grounded and moving in the right direction. Jesus was in the reality and tough love business.

Instead of offering the typical observation “Well then it doesn’t really matter which way you go” or something non-helpful and fluffy, offer this pearl of wisdom…

“You really need to help someone today. Who do you know that needs your help? Go help them. That is the right direction for you.”

Here’s the thing. It is not about them. It is not about their direction or drama. It seems that way because of all the emotions surround them; money drama, family drama, health drams, being a good citizen drama. All that is just life and the reality is that people can manage and people will. Life is just like business … but they are caught up in a fury of fantasy, like a drug induced twisted reality that is maddening and crazy and they need your help.

Help them, and you, on this ordinary Friday. Give them the antidote by disrupting their fantasy with the reality that they need to help someone. In my business we call that love. There is nothing ordinary about love.

I love you – Bryan Martin

GO HELP SOMEONE!

Temple Grandin’s brain works differently than yours or mine. Mute for the first three years of her life she was diagnosed with Autism. Nevertheless today she has a PhD, teaches at the college level, and is a sought after consultant in the Ag industry.

I first saw her on TED.com, but many of you have seen her HBO movie recently. You can tell from her appearance and presentation that there is something “special” about her, but you would never have labeled her as Autistic. She has become the poster child for what Autistic people can do.

But for me her story has more to do with what YOUR brain is capable of.

In the Gospel lesson for next Sunday, the Lent 3c, Jesus deals with the way people are judged and are thought of as personally responsible for their misfortune; like when the prominent Tele-Evangelist recently blamed the Haitian earthquake on the Haitian’s people sins. “Do you think,” Jesus said, “that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were worse sinners than all other Galileans?” The answer, of course, is no. He continues by warning people about the importance of tending to their own shortcomings. (Luke 13:1-9)

It is easy to blame people for their trouble. In fact we often blame ourselves when misfortune befalls us. “There must be something wrong with me (them) that God would allow this to happen.”

Temple Grandin helps us put a new spin on brain function and people who are “special” when she reveals the gift of the Autistic brain. Most fascinating to me was the graphic slide showing the fMRI of her brain and optical nerve compared to the “normal” person. Obviously her brain is more developed in those areas. It is clear how this “over-developed” brain function would lead to what she calls “thinking with pictures.”

My whole point is this: You and I underestimate and even minimize what our own brain is capable of doing. One of the best features of Christian life is something called “discipleship.” Discipleship is a learning program where one learns how to think the way Jesus thinks… but not just limited to thinking, discipleship is training the brain to act like Jesus would.

Instead of blaming our (their) misfortune on us (them), our best effort should be placed on learning how to use every situation to grow and be better people or “disciples.” Change your mind (your brain function) to achieve all the good and loving actions and thoughts, they way that Temple Grandin and Jesus did.

Yes, you can reprogram your brain!

Here is the link to Temple Grandin’s TED talk.

I love you – Bryan Martin

I believe in you. I know that you are capable of a heck of a lot more than even you realize. If you were to reach for the stars with every ounce of your being… gracious Lord! What a better place the world would be.

But what if the rug is jerked out from underneath you? Then what? What if you had a huge major loss? Then what?

Today I want to share Warren Macdonald’s story with you. Warren was an adventure seeking young man looking to experience the best of the world, and he was literally doing it until one day a two ton rock fell on him while hiking and… well I’ll let you listen and hear for yourself.

I saw Macdonald at NOLA last week and his presentation helped change my life. I’m not sure he is a Christian, but here is a man who has mastered life in a way that truly inspires me.

 Have you lost something important? Is your life difficult? Do you know someone who is struggling? Then listen to this and get back to me about how it helps you.

When you go to his website you can click on “Watch Warren’s Video,” or the Oprah link. They are both incredible! Here is the link.

 http://www.warren-macdonald.com/

I love you — Bryan

Just when you thought it was safe to worry about your own problems I come meddling again with one of the “things.” You know. the “thing” that gets you thinking about how small your problems are compared to other.

We met Adam Bender last week at the Keller Williams Family Reunion in New Orleans. We watched this video and then he walked on the stage. Mo Andersen, KW Vice Chairman, interviewed him and then presented him with a $5,000.00 check for his foundation.

But the interesting thing about Adam is not just that he is a overcomer and a model for all. What is fascinating is that his focus is on his abilities, not his disabilities. Listen to his short pray in the video.

What drives home the point is his self-portrait. His dad makes a big deal out of it. He sees himself with one leg… but he has a big smile on his face.

My prayer for you, and the people you know who are struggling with life issues, is that you accept the reality of your situation, genuinely smile, and them move forward to be the best you can possible be… in spite of them.

Enjoy the video I’d love to hear your response.

I love you — Bryan Martin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFpM7QHpQ4s

I’m Speaking about Mastery in church during Lent, focusing on Jesus’ own mastery.

Research shows that mastery in a specific discipline takes 10000 hours (5-10years)! But you can’t wait…what to do?

Good news is that you don’t have to be a master to achieve daily success… but you need to act like one. To be an Olympian you need…

1. Keep the goal in mind daily. Olympians go for the gold. Know what you’re going for!
2. Remember others have done it so can you.
3. Never listen to the naysayers. NEVER!
4. Have a tough love coach that won’t settle for anything less than getting the gold for you…even if your coach makes your cry!
5. Practice Practice Practice every single day, follow your schedule.
6. Scrimmage with those better than you.
7. Embrace the culture of other masters, dress like a master, eat like a master, talk like a master, behave like a master, exercise like a master, work like a master, and do what masters do.
8. Teach others what you learn along the way.
9. Do and think beyond what you believe your body and mind is capable of. Constantly stretch yourself beyond your limits.
10. Remember that getting the gold is more than just possessing it… it is paving the way for others to achieve.

 Don’t worry about 10000 hrs or 5-10 years. Start every day like a master and mastery will soon be yours and better… you will have success every single day!

 I love you—Bryan Martin