The 4th Level Of Love

Be Perfect and Don’t Worry

I wake up many nights worrying about things, mostly business problems, money problems, and relationship issues. The funny thing is that in the morning that which seemed to cause me the most grief is, in the light of day, not that big of an issue. In fact, in the course of my entire life I cannot think of anything that was so significant that, in hind sight, I should lose a moment of sleep worrying about it with the exception of a rough time in my marriage when I thought I was going to lose it (many years ago) and the death of loved ones. And the deaths I had no control over.  But I will confess that I have died a thousand deaths worrying.

I have a love/hate relationship with Jesus’ teaching about worry. I hate it because I have such a hard time not worrying and I love it because every time I read it I am inspired.

I think it is a brain thing, worry. The pathological form of worry is anxiety. The DSM has several different kinds of categories for anxiety from generalized anxiety to post traumatic stress disorder. They are all brain related. But Jesus did not know about the DSM or brain disorders for that matter. More than that Jesus himself sweat great drops of blood as he face those difficult hours before his death. I know he worried about his beloved disciples, even if he had foreknowledge about them.  I don’t think it is possible to love and not worry. I am worried about the world. I am worried about future generations.

So what do we do with Jesus teachings? Jesus suggests that we try a tried and true method for controlling worry; “Seek, first, the kingdom of God…” He wants us to replace the worried thoughts with thoughts about “the kingdom of God.” This “replacement” therapy works pretty well with me. Sometimes I can actually break the vicious cycle of worry thoughts by forcing myself to think about something else. I have had good results even with major ruminations. Every time I begin the rumination again I force it out with other thoughts, sometimes thoughts about “the Kingdom of God.”

What is this “Kingdom of God” stuff anyway? And why would harkening back to a theocratic monarchy help in a bicameral democracy? I hope it is something more than just the trite “God is in control” line that Christian do-gooders use. Believe me, the Kingdom of God really is more than a vain attempt to help others with well-intended myththeology.

I like to think of the Kingdom of God as being like dark matter, that stuff that makes up most of the universe (or is it a “multiverse?”) and permeates everything in existence, it even flows through our molecules, weird stuff that physicists theories about. There are things about the material existence that you and I just don’t know, but in my way of thinking God is working nevertheless. I wouldn’t call it “God being in control” though. Don’t tell the mom who just lost her son in a tragic death that God is in control. I don’t know how this will affect your good Christian theology, but, God was not in control there, and she knows He was not. Like the ever present black matter that physicists speak of, God is working, nevertheless.

I’m still going to worry. But when I do I am going to think of Jesus’ words, black matter and I am going to think that God is working, even when I can’t see it, even in the face of death or a trouble marriage.  

Lord, I hope this blog doesn’t bum you out! I guess you can tell from my writing that I am still struggling with a little late winter moodiness. To tell you the truth I feel pretty good mentally, not perfect, though. God is working, in spite of my extended seasonal moodiness, and I feel like I have purpose and direction in my life and that I make a difference. More than that I think it is really awesome that God’s Kingdom is a powerful reality in life. I think it is super cool to think that God’s spirit flows through my being, your’s too.  I hope that you will think about the Kingdom of God the next time you worry, that it will cause you to say a little prayer of thanks for the wonderful and mysterious way that the love of God is working even when God is not in control.

I love you – Bryan

Btw: Thank you Karen Lafferty, where ever you may be. Your song still echoes in my spirit.

“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” I cannot imagine a more difficult task; impossible, I’d say, at least for me. I am far from perfect. I cannot get over the fact that perfect is normal for Christians.

I just finished the thirteen week Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. It was a fantastic course. Ramsey refuses to be “normal.” Normal, at least financially, means having credit cards, auto loans, student loans, mortgages and little or no savings. In a word being “normal” financially means being in debt. Ramsey and his students refuse to be normal. He has helped thousands, if not millions, to change their thinking. You don’t need credit cards, you don’t need car loans, you don’t need student loans, you don’t need to have a mortgage, you can and should be a millionaire and completely out of debit and financially free. Normal is not okay.

I think the same applies to our spirituality and every other area of our lives. Jesus does not want us to be normal. Perfect is the new normal.

Impossible, you say. Only if you believe it is impossible. Most people have given up on the idea of perfection. It is just too much. Besides, everybody else is normal!

I heard a news story about obese women in particular cultures. The women are told by their physician that being overweight is a health problem. The MD tells them they need to diet or face the consequences. But when the women return home they are surrounded by other overweight women, many bigger than they are. Their friends, sisters, mothers, grandmother are all overweight. “They seem to be okay” they rationalize. In fact grandma is 70 or 80 and overweight and she seems to be okay. Beefy is normal. They conclude that the physician must be wrong and their world must be right. Normal lulls them to accept their overweight health damaging condition.

Whether it is money or physical condition normal is not what God intended. God wants us to go for perfect. Being debt free and financially independent, able to help other people is “perfect.” Taking care of your body like it is a perfect temple of God is what God wants.

The big question is how do you become perfect without feeling like a total failure constantly?

First, reject normal. Just because the rest of your world says normal is good that does not make it perfect. Reject normal as a subversive evil technique that keeps you from the joy of self-mastery and being like God.

Second, accept your current state as the starting point on the way to perfect. Believe me you are not going to be perfect in any area of your life overnight, but you will constantly be getting better. Start on your road from where you are. That just makes sense. No guilt, no condemnation, no remorse, no hopelessness just the plain fact that “it is what it is” and what it will be is down the road. Start walking.

To start with pick one area to be perfect in… just one, an easy one, like your finances or your health. You can work on the others later. Learn everything in the world about it from reliable sources. Be around, follow and learn from others who are successful at it. If you pick your finances do not consult with your bankrupt brother-in-law. That is stupidity. Pick a good teacher.

Spiritual perfection is a goal you can die trying for and feel good about. I think that is what Jesus was getting at when he said we should be perfect. Jesus wants us to cast off the normal criteria for living in the world and to do what God did (and does); “for God so loved the world, He gave…” You can only give from the fullness of a perfect heart. You can only live the wonderful life God intends for you as you strive for perfection. Think of how the “more perfect you” can change your world… if only you were not so normal.

I love you- Bryan

What is wrong about being held to impossible high standards? Do not be angry, do not lust, be reconciled with everyone, do not divorce, be totally honest. I will tell you what is wrong. They make you a failure, because as hard you try, over and over again, you can never achieve the goal. Think of all the negative repercussions of constantly being a loser. So why does Jesus make what seems to be impossible demands on his followers. Is Christianity merely an association of hyper elite spiritual performers? If that is the case then 99% of modern Christianity has failed and is at risk of eternal doom! And then, on top of everything else, Jesus demands that we be perfect, LIKE GOD! Is this a set up for failure or what?

Or What, indeed.

You may disagree but I believe that Jesus did not know about neuroscience. He did not know about how chemicals are secreted into the human body and brain and he did not know the effect that these chemicals have on human behavior. He was unaware of so called pleasure centers of the brain and how the executive functioning of the frontal cortex relate to these pleasure centers. This information was not available until recently.

Take kissing, for example, on this Valentine’s Day. There is a whole set of scientific research about how kissing involves the complex interaction of all the senses at unconscious levels. Kissers may only be aware of romantic passionate aspects but in the kissing process signals are being transmitted throughout the body and brain. Did you know that 59% of men and 66% of women have ruled out individuals as potential mates based on a kiss? Kissing signals the brain with information about the other that measures their qualifications as a potential partner. Did you know that the powerful chemical oxytocin is released in a good kiss which promotes affection and attachment even in mature kissers? Did you know that the stress related chemical cortisol is released with a bad kiss, spelling the potential end of a relationship? A kiss is more than a kiss.

If a kiss is more than just a kiss then Jesus drive for perfection is more than what it appears, also.

The fact is people settle into routines, relationships, and cultures that are comfortable. We reach a place of stability that is supported by the world we live in, our immediate culture, and we just cruse. The motto of this life style is “Do not upset the apple cart” or “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it” or “leave good enough alone.” This is precisely the behavior Jesus was addressing.

Even though Jesus did not know about brain science he DID know that people can and should be better. Jesus created impossible high standards because people need to be encouraged, inspired, and cajoled to reach beyond the easy, safe, and comfortable to become every good thing that God wants for them and what they can actually achieve in this life, in order that (this is important) the world can become what God dreams for it. For that to happen (here is the kicker) YOU need to be the very best you can possible be! God needs YOU.

Can you imagine the joy and fun of mastering some aspect of life? Perhaps you have, I am sure you have. Having higher standards is the only way to personal mastery. Can you imagine the joy of actually making a difference in the world because you tried harder, longer, got help, had determination, were persistent and did not give up, ever?

So I am going to encourage you to be… the best kisser in the world, at least within the confines of your exclusive and faithful relationship. What a good place to begin. I am certain that if the world had better kissers, there would be fewer relationship problems.

I know that there are aspects of life that are totally out of your control which leads to unpleasant realities, like divorce. Sometimes you can’t even control important functions within your own body. But you do have more control over your anger (all your emotions) your relationships (even if you feel out of control in your relationship there is help for you) and most importantly, your thoughts (influenced though they may be by your body chemistry) AND you can be better in every area.

Face it, accept it as universal truth; you can be better AND you should do everything possible to be as perfect as you can be… not because of the hammer hanging over your head, but for the joy of personal mastery and joy of making a difference.  You have more control than you believe. Do what you need to do to make your life and your world perfect.

I love you – Bryan Martin

I know, it does not seem necessary to talk to “Christian” people about divorce, murder and lying yet Jesus specifically makes these unpleasantries issues that need to be discussed in his famous Sermon on the Mount.

Seriously; why would good followers of Jesus need to be schooled about failed relationships when, obviously, love, especially Christian love, can overcome virtually every possible scenario that might arise in a Christian marriage? Or, who could possibly conceive of a Jesus loving Christian contemplating murder? Or, what Christian man or woman would ever vacillate on telling the truth or just simply being honest? Really!

Jesus must have been reading the local newspaper, because we see this kind of behavior happening every day. In fact telling Christians not to divorce, murder and lie is like telling a dog not to get fleas; it just happens; that does not make it right, but it happens. I think these things would happen more if we did not have Jesus style accountability.

To prove the point I would like to devise an experiment. Put me in a room with a gallon of Haagen Dazs ice cream, a double chocolate cake, a half gallon of whole milk, and a diet book and see what happens. I guarantee that I will not eat the diet book.

Kidding aside, I know that if you set certain standards that people will rise to them, even if those standards seem impossible. Everybody knows the story about running the four minute mile. Nobody ever did it and everybody thought it was impossible until Roger Bannister broke the barrier. Now athletes commonly achieve the impossible.

Jesus set “impossible” standards, too. No divorce, no anger, total honesty. Obviously some people do not divorce and most others hate it even when it is necessary. Clearly most Christians don’t murder and hate it when anger controls their lives. It goes without saying that the sting of being dishonest is at least mildly painful.

Do you know why we “have to” have impossible standards to achieve? They drive us to greater levels of loving in a world that is desperate. How can we cure poverty, establish world peace, or truly make a difference in the world if we do not have standards to drive us and pull us beyond the easy mundane ways of being. It is impossible.

Our biggest problem is that we settle for less than we can be. What we are is good, and I do not want to beat you up for being good by saying that you can be better. But there is more personal fulfillment and life to be lived in aspiring to the higher standard of being better. There is greater love to be experienced than what you know of; love more! You are good, and you can be better.

Even you can break the four minute mile of Christian loving. The Christian life demands more than what you can achieve not because God wants to frustrate you with impossible goals that can never be achieved, like never being angry again. But the higher standards of Christian love does offer the most personally rewarding and fulfilling life you could every imagine by exceeding your own limitation and expectations, like helping other people in places and situations that you never dreamed of.

What would happen if you drop your personal limitations and loved the way God loves?

I love you– Bryan Martin

It is just as easy to get lost today as it was 2000 years ago. It is just as easy to forget who you are and why you are here now, in the midst of economic and international chaos, as it was in isolated and rural Palestine in 30 AD. The times and culture have evolved dramatically but being human in relationship with other people has not.

That is why we need the repetition of hearing and relearning about what is important about being alive with others in the world today. Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount is such a classic reminder. It is to antiquity AND modernity what Martin Luther King, Jr’s famous “I Have A Dream” sermon is to us today. It is more meaningful than even John F Kennedy’s Inaugural “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country” speech.

The Sermon on the Mount is the universal Christian “how to be” speech that is so rich and deep that it simply needs to be rehearsed over and over again. This week we review Matthew 5:13-20, the passage where Jesus tells us that we are “the salt of the earth” and the “light of the world;” two incredible aphorism that have become archetypal images written upon the very genetic structure of the Christian being.

My fear is that you will become so enamored with the idea of what it means to be “salt of the earth” that you will forget to be it. Let me simply state that you, as a follower of Jesus, add what is missing in the hearts and lives of other people. The teachings, life, ethos, being, spirit of Jesus is so transforming and meaningful that it adds the “missing component” to life. It is the operating system that makes the mother board of your human computer function. Without it you are the best functioning machine in the Universe that does not work right; frustrated and impotent.

The imagery of being the “light of the world” is plainer and more obvious. What is so important here is the admonition to actually let your light shine instead of hiding it. Most common is the fear that individual light is not important; that your being in the midst of 7 billion others is insignificant; just one flickering lighter in the sea of concert goers. Jesus admonishes and directs you to forget about your own insecurities and inferiorities because the world needs YOUR light. There is a worldwide “energy” crisis, billions of people do not have the Light of Jesus to help them make their way through the hopelessness of poverty, misery, loneliness, or simple meaninglessness. They need the LCD light that flows through you to see their way. “Do not hide your light!” Jesus screams. 

You need to read this Sermon, over and over again. Think about it, meditate on it. Let your 21^st century mind reflect of the meaning of the 1^st century wisdom of Jesus, who knew, exactly, how to live and make a difference in the world today. You do want to live and make a difference, don’t you?

I’ll be sharing more about this one Sunday. 

Peace and love, salt and light to you!

I love you – Bryan