The 4th Level Of Love

I’m talking about de-emotionalizing your life.

It is crazy out their. Working in real estate has opened my eyes about money and emotions. They go hand in hand you know. As a minister I was never exposed to the direct consequences of money. I only saw the fall out, the emotional and spiritual mess left behind in the wave after the collision. There I could pray with people, support them and empower them to move on. Sounds good, doesn’t it. It is.

But working in real estate I am not only on the scene of the crash but I am a witness as it happens! I’m talking about the crazy world of working with financial institution, regulatory agencies, and real people with kids, dogs and lives that matter.

If there is one word that captures the essence of the money and emotional crash it is fear. And fear’s by-product is anger. Walk into to some foreclosed homes, witness the destruction and see what I mean. I’m not just talking about a few holes in the wall where angry former home owners express their rage by punching and kicking holes in the wall, but sludge hammer smashing beautiful granite counter tops. Anger’s child is Rage.

Today let me give you a life lesson about how to avoid the extreme emotions related to issues in contemporary life.

1. Your problems don’t really matter to institutions. The bottom line for every institution is getting the most money they can, either by stopping their loss, or increasing their revenue. In other words you and your feelings don’t matter. That is just a fact. What this means is that there is not “personal attack” on you or your family. Since they don’t have an emotional connection with you your emotional response will not help you. So don’t get emotional about it. When it is possible have a dispassionate third party assist you. It is like they say, “It is just business.”
2. Get professional help. The beauty of the short sale process (that is when you negotiate with the bank to sell your home for less than you owe) is that your Realtor does all the negotiating for you. If you can do that with your other financial conflicts it will save you a lot grieve.
3. Lower level employees and negotiators can’t really help you, so don’t get angry with them. When ever you pick up the phone to deal with an institution you will talk with a low paid clerk who has no authority to help you except of get money from you. That is just their job. Don’t yell at them. They can’t help you. I recently had a problem with a communication company and literally spent 60 minutes on the phone trying to resolve an issue. When the second level supervisor failed to make a scheduled phone appointment I emailed the CEO and in two five minute phone calls (originating from them!) my problem was solved.
4. You can catch more flies with sugar than you can with vinegar. Be nice, in fact be loving. Remember Jesus said, “Love your enemies.” The people who work for institutions are just trying to make a living. They have children and dogs, too. Here is a secret; they want to feel good about their lives and jobs. Give them a reason to succeed and they will help you.

There is way too much stress in the world. There is very little you can do when dealing with nameless, faceless institutions. So don’t let them get you down. Work on a positive note with people. Ask, “How can you help me get my problem resolved?” and you’ll make some headway.

But for you sake, for your peace of mind, and for your pocket book, don’t scream and get emotional when dealing with money issues and institutions. It is a prescription for disaster. Instead, love the person on the other end and keep your sanity.

I love you– Bryan