4 Levels Of Love

How is it that negative thoughts literally take over our minds?

 A flood of negative thinking dominates our thoughts and nearly completely shuts out any ray of hope to the extent that we even question the ones who have loved and cared for us consistently. And this in spite of the fact that our world is relatively stable!

It is a brain thing.

Those emotions are rooted in the most primitive and animal part of our brain, that place where you will find the famous, or infamous, “fight or flee” response. Ironically it exists for our safety. When we feel threatened it is as if a Tyrannosaurus Rex is at our heels and we will fight, tooth and nail, to the bitter end to save our precious self.

I believe this is God’s gift to us as we protect what is most important to us. Nevertheless the anger, frustration and negativity are awful when your emotions are inflamed not by an episode with a man eating dinosaur, but by the ones you love the most. That primitive part of your brain can not distinguish between the two. It is, after all, primitive.

What to do?

God gave you another part of your brain, or should I say “other parts.” These are parts that are uniquely human and involve reason, insight, self-reflection, understanding the thoughts of others, and wisdom. Your brain is fully capable of using these parts also. In fact you can override the primitive functions with these “higher functions.” You just have to be deliberate about them.

But it is not that easy. The Fight and Flee part is associated with brain chemicals that are powerful and long lasting, like adrenaline and others. It is like your brain and your body are on crack.

So here is how to override the effects of your primitive brain.

1) Control your ruminations by distracting yourself with other things, like a football game, or prayer, or reading. The intrusive primitive brain thoughts are persistent and fight for first place, but with discipline and time they will dissipate.

2) Tell your self the positive truth about your life, world, relationships, and love. While you are at it, remind yourself that there are plenty of people worse off than you and that you will be okay.

3) Give yourself time. Your emotional crisis probably won’t last any longer than three days at the most. After that, you’ll probably not even remember what you were so upset about in the first place.

4) Exercise. God’s best stress control is a long run or and hour or two at the gym.

These four things will help your body regain control of the primitive brain functions (which were only meant to be used in an emergency) and time for your higher functions to kick in. You will be able to engage in creative damage control, repair relationships, brainstorm real solutions to real problems and … keep on loving those close to you.

I love you — Bryan