The 4th Level Of Love

I’ve been reading “Fun Loving” again. It’s a good book! Even if I do say so myself. Here are some fundamental facts.

• Most relationships start out fun and exciting.
• Stress and distractions creep in over time negatively affecting the fun and excitement.
• Those negative affects create barriers, which, if unattended, can undermine the relationship entirely.

The good news is that since the mid 80s the divorce rate has stabilized. The bad news is that the divorce rate is still hovering around 50%, worse for second marriages.

My book, which is really Jennifer and my book, shows couples exactly what the stressors are, and how to have fun dealing with them. I use the acronym L – O – V – E to empower couples in dealing with the stress.

Anybody out there got stress?

The “L” stands for “little things.” Boy… the power of little things is amazing. Your touch, kind word, romantic text message, flowers are a soothing balm that says more than the actual act.

The “O” stands for your emOtional connections. Your emotional connection is one of the first things to go under stress. Restoring the emotional connection is extremely powerful in creating positive feelings of attachment, belonging, togetherness, fidelity and fun. It is all about dreaming together about life and love.

The “V” stands for “Victory” and empowers couple to battle the stress together victoriously.

The “E” stands for “Eternity,” or the spiritual part of your relationship. This is the most critical part because it is about finding meaning in life together.

Fun Loving is a powerful prescription for a vital, balanced, thriving relationship.

If you have not read the book click on the ”Fun Loving Book” link on the right and get one. You will be glad you did! If you already have the book, now is a good time for a reread.

I’m rereading it because I’m preparing the 2nd edition. I’m looking for couples to help me with a six week project to go though the book and make it even better. Let me know if you would like to help.

I love you – Bryan

When the Pope falls and breaks his wrist the whole world knows about it. But does it really make a difference? When you give twenty bucks to the family who lost a loved one in a car accident does it really make a difference? Yes! And the whole world needs to know about it

You were taught to be a secret giver because that is more virtuous. WRONG! It is never good to boast about your giving or to take excessive pride in it, as in “Look at me! I’m a big giver making a difference in the world.” Well I agree, don’t go on “Good Morning America” showing the world how great you are.

But there is incredible virtue in inspiring others to good works. It is the compounding effect of giving. One person gives, another hears about it and they are inspired to give, and another hears about it and before you know even the Vatican knows about it and is doing it.

That is why I always tell people about my giving adventures. IT ENCOURAGES AND EMPOWERS THEM TO HELP MORE!

I want to help start a global movement where every person does this; they HELP ONE person, family, institution, etc every day! The way to get a movement going is to tell the stories over and over again.

Tell your friends that you gave a smile and a buck to the panhandler lady.

Tell your wife that you gave your lunch money to help the family of a crash.

Tell your boss that you helped an elderly lady at the grocery store.

Tell the world what you did to HELP ONE every day.

Let’s make news, good news, about how when we HELP ONE person every day it makes a huge impact. When we HELP ONE the ripple effect is tsunamic! But only if it is not a secret and the whole world knows.

Tell me your every day HELP ONE stories and I will gladly post them everywhere I can. Tell someone!

I hope the Pope recovers quickly… but I hope you will forever forget about the idea of secret giving and spread the good news, because when we hear how you HELP ONE it impacts the world! Tell the story!

I love you – Bryan Martin

Today you will have the opportunity to Help One person, do it!

You could Help One village in Africa get clean water. You could Help One researcher get one step closer to a cure for AIDs. You could help start one school for deprived children in Eastern Europe or California.

Or you could purchase a gas card for the family that has to travel again from Los Banos to Madera to Valley Children’s Hospital for cancer treatments for their child.

Or you could hold a grieving person in your arms.

Or you could smile at the pan handler and tell her that you love her.

There is no limit to the number of things you can do… but just Help One.

My vision for the Help One movement is that people help people in simple but significant ways.

We were a poor college student family, really poor, when one person brought us a bag of groceries. We were thrilled and blessed to get the food. We immediately divided it up and shared it with another family poorer than we were.

I tell that story often to remember the beautiful young woman who helped one family and to show how her little act of help was so significant. Two families, eight people benefited from one bag of groceries.

But more than that… wouldn’t be great if we taught kids to help each other. Jared’s son Jadon is already a Help One person. He, like a lot of other kids, is watching out for other students who need a little help. I can see how Help One programs can be presented all across the globe.

But don’t get too excited, just Help One today.

If you really want to be part of a great movement make the commitment to Help One every single day. Email me your commitment and I will support you and provided some helping accountability.

Today… love your neighbor, Help One!

I love you – Bryan Martin

Yesterday I bought 8 $40 grocery cards from Save Mart. Today I will give those to our church’s embedded agent in the community who will distribute them where they are needed most.

Chris lives in the Tower District which is an enclave of art, theater, music, a variety of sub-cultures and popular among young people (what ever that means). She is a single mother of a teenage son and works part time. She lives in the middle of it. There she meets, knows, and runs into all kinds of people. They don’t know she is our secret agent our “secret church lady” (ha ha Chris, I just gave you a new name!).

They don’t know that she is watching, looking for someone who needs a $40 grocery card today. But she is out there, looking for who needs a little help. She found a young pregnant woman, due in two weeks, who can’t renew her driver’s license because she has old code violations and needs $300 bucks to clear it up. She is really going to need that license. Our church is going to help her with the fine.

My old church use to have a food pantry and people would come and we would give them a bag of food. Now we don’t wait for them to come to us. We go looking for them. I like that.

We call this program “Help One.” Chris created our motto “Love your neighbor, Help One.” Isn’t that great!

You can talk to Chris at Chris@st-pats.com.

I love you-Bryan

Building a nest egg isn’t good enough. It implies making ends meet from week to week while you stick away a few pennies for your “golden years.” In fact it is a rather selfish idea. The very purpose is to take care of your self.

More people are actually making a difference in the world all their life long by building and using their capital to fund life changing projects at home and globally.

It all boils down to two things.

The first is the difference between minding your income and expenses and building your net worth. Most attend to their income and expenses by making sure the former is greater than the later; by most I mean those who are actually building a nest egg. Unfortunately too many people actually spend more than they make; they are in debt and are consumerholics. But those who build their net worth have a growing amount of capital to invest and grow their money; even modest amount of capital growth generate substantial benefits.

The second and more important thing is the purpose, as I alluded to above. It seems responsible to take care of yourself in your old age. But it is short sighted and selfish because it doesn’t take much more to go beyond attending to your own needs to help make a difference in the world financially. In fact, if you have a bigger picture of helping the world you will have your own needs met. With your capital you could do some amazing things; witness the whole micro-financing movement in third world countries, even in the USA!

Christians, it seems to me, especially American ones, have a unique obligation to help make a difference in the world because of the opulent wealth that most of us enjoy compared to third world countries. For evangelical Christians wealth development has to be included in what we call Kingdom expansion.

But the power of capital building and helping make a difference with your money is not limited to Christians. There is a growing movement of socially concerned young people who are not bound by the limits of religion and who are devoted to making a difference in their life time using the money they generate with their capital. They will probably not want to retire nor need to because they will be having too much fun managing the projects they fund with all that money they so wisely invested.

Which group are you in; the “week to week consumers” or the “capital building difference makers?”

I love you – Bryan Martin

The value of your to do list can be deceiving. It feels good to mark off items. One of the great things about your task list is how fast they seem to get done when you actually make the list and attend to it.

But some tasks are more important than others. In fact they are critical to your business. Of utmost importance is income producing activities. In sales this is your lead generation activities. Mike Ferry, a super star real estate coach says that your prospecting needs to be your focus for three hours in the morning. The more contacts you make, the more leads you generate, the more contracts you get signed, the more income you make. It is a simple formula

Gary Keller, Keller Williams’ business guru, has what I call a softer holistic approach; your three hours of lead generation includes an hour preparation, an hour on the phone and an hour of follow up. The variety is not as intense as Ferry’s model but you don’t make as many direct contacts on a daily basis.

The point is the schedule and to do list is preoccupied with a priority, income production.

In your relationships the priority is quality interactions. Notice that I did not say “quality time.” Quality time is a limiting concept that make one think that I can only have a good time during such and such time block. Not so. You can love your partner all day long, thanks to technology, and build expectation and excitement about your reunion.

It is not about “time” it is about “priority.” I enjoy sending provocative texts such as “Let’s go home for lunch…if you know what I mean” even when I know I can’t go home for lunch. It takes about 15 or 20 seconds to let my partner know I am thinking about her plus it creates good will, positive feelings, excitement and expectations about getting together. Of course I need to be thinking about and planning what I want to do when we are actually together to create quality.

The same idea applies to the God part of your life. I don’t need to text God but I can fill my mind with gratitude and thanks plus and can say a quiet prayer for all the people I know who could use it. I am pray for you as I compose this. I like the idea of jotting down what I am praying about, too, sort of a “to do list” for praying.

Stay on task today, do what’s important, generate income, have quality time and pray.

I love you– Bryan

Courtnee Hunt, Janelle Martin and I arrived at the Half Dome trail head at about 10:00 pm on Tuesday July 7. The moon had not fully risen and it was dark, darker than I remember from last time. It was cool and refreshing. We were giddy excited about the 16 mile trek.

The first part of the hike is the assent to Vernal Falls. It always surprises me how tough the first section is. It seems like it is straight up hill all the way to the spillway. The last 1/3 mile to the top of Vernal Falls on the Mist trail is showered by the mist of the water falling 1200 feet, so you get pretty wet! One needs that coolness because the stair step like trail is very challenging.

Janelle was the leader at this point and she pushed us all the way to the top without a rest stop! She is a slave driver animal hiker, and I mean that in the nicest way. We didn’t even stop to rest at the top of Vernal Falls, but we kept going because the trail between Vernal and Nevada Falls is not that difficult. However… the assent to the top of Nevada Falls is harder than Vernal Falls and longer! But we made it with nothing less than a few moments rests.

At the top of Nevada Fall are some primitive toilets and rest area. We did stop here and check our feet for blisters. It was about 1:30 am. So we were amazed when a group of 10-12 young people came bounding up the trail heading for Half Dome! I thought, “Crazy people,” but then I remembered where I was.

The next section is the hike through Little Yosemite Valley, a pleasant easy one mile or so hike, a great time to walk and rest at the same time, if you know what I mean. We left the group of kids because we didn’t want to eat their dust following them.

The next section is the steep switch backs to the crest Half Dome. Here we ran into a big buck on the trail. He really checked us out. I thought for sure that he was going to challenge us but I made some noise and he decided to stay at a distance. It seems like we raced up the mountain to the sign that says “Half Dome 2 Miles.” Believe it or not we ran into more people, this time coming down! “How many times have you climbed Half Dome?” they asked. I said, “I have lost track, but more than 20 times,” I replied. “I’ve done it 56 times!” I thought 56 times was crazy! But then again, who would do it more than 20 times?

The last part of the hike before the cables is a rocky granite hillside with stairs steps. IT IS VERY HARD! Let me make this clear, IT IS VERY DIFFICULT. But you just take one step at a time and you make it.

My dear Courtnee had been ill for most the trip. I could not believe how strong she was, but she felt too ill to proceed beyond the cables. I’m sure the altitude was a factor also. Janelle and I proceeded the last 400 yards up the cables. It is a stunning view because it looks like you are going straight up the hill. In fact, it is very steep and several people have fallen here to their death.

By the way, we had phone reception most of the way so we were busy texting people all along the way, CRAZY. One person FaceBooked Janelle… “What are you doing? Don’t you know that even experienced hikers fall and are killed on that hike? Turn around right now! Don’t be stupid!” We ignored that one.

Janelle scampered to the top of Half Dome and beat me by 5 or 10 minutes. When I got to the top she was catching her breath. It was windy and cold. You could actually see the lights in the west from the San Joaquin valley. The moon was brilliant and lit the granite dome so you could see clearly. It was about 3:15 am.

We didn’t stay up top long, it was cold and windy and we didn’t want to leave Courtnee alone too long. By the way, we ran into another group of people coming down Half Dome when we where going up! Up top we could see the lamps of groups of people behind us making their way up the hill. What kind of crazy people would do this, anyway?

It seems like we ran down the hill back to the car. Coming down is easier on the lungs but harder on the knees and hips. I have to use walking sticks on the way down. One of the exciting parts of hiking back was watching the sun come up. In the east part of the sky the sun was coming up and in the west the full moon was going down. It was beautiful.

On yes, I fell flat on my face on a sandy part of the trail, thank God, only one time.

We made it back to the car by 8:30am. Courtnee, by now, was feeling a lot better. We had breakfast at Yosemite Lodge and headed home. I was back at work by 2pm, tired, sore and glowing with the accomplishment.

Now… I want to go on another, less strenuous hike in late August or early September. There are two options. One is to ascend Mt Hoffman, a 10,000 foot peak near May lake on the Tioga Pass road. It is about 4 hours one way. From Mt. Hoffman you look down on Half Dome. I have done this hike before, too. The second option is upper Yosemite Falls. This is a 3 hour hike to the top of 2500 feet long Yosemite Falls, fifth largest falls in the world! It is crazy beautiful on top! I have no date set and I have not decided which one to go on, but if you are interesting in going, please let me know.

I love you – Bryan Martin

Your value proposition is the benefit you offer articulated in a sentence. For instance Skype offers simple easy to use voice communication for free. Obviously in business you need to provide benefit to your customers.

So what is your value proposition for your relationships? What benefit do you bring your friends, co-workers and family? Now that is an interesting question! I don’t know very many people who think about the value they bring because so many people think about what they RECEIVE in a relationship.

For instance; “My job provides me with a level of income security,” or “This position is a stepping stone to a better career,” or “I get really good medical benefits from this job.” This kind of thinking about your job creates a mindset that at best can be described as utilitarian.

But think about it from your employer’s or your client’s perspective. What value do you bring your business? In this current economic crisis the greater your value the more secure your position.

So here is an exercise. In one sentence describe the unique value that you bring to your work place. Use this formula: “The value I provide to my work place is ________________”

Now take the same idea and apply it to your key personal relationships, your marriage for instance. “Now Bryan,” you reply, “you have gone from preaching to meddling!” It is okay; this is a good exercise.

What value, what unique gift, attribute, characteristic, resource, to you bring to your marriage? It is easy to think about what your spouse does for you, but what do you bring to your marriage?

If you can’t think of one don’t worry. I guarantee that you bring something of value to your relationship; otherwise you probably wouldn’t still be married. But I want you to take the time to think about this because it will help you with your mindset, the way you think about love and life.

Here is your value proposition exercise for your relationship. Write down between 5 and 10 items that you bring to your relationship. Then sit down with your significant other and ask them, “Honey, can you tell me 3 to 5 items that I bring value to our relationship?” Then compare the response with your list. This will help you be more intentional about your relationship. The unintended benefit of the exercise is that it makes your partner think about the value that he or she brings to the relationship!

Finally, I’d like to ask you to consider what value you bring to your faith community. If the only answer is money then I think you have a problem. And here is the problem for many in a nut shell; many Christians have a consumer attitude about their church. By that I mean; they look for benefit the church offers them (programming, entertaining music,) rather than what value, gifts, and resources they bring to the church. Think about that.

You have unique value that you bring to work, your friends and your family. My challenge today, the value I offer you, is that you understand your value and the benefit you provide your world. It will make a positive difference in your life!

I love you- Bryan Martin

Today I am going to give you one way to make your life, business, and family better. That means making your life fuller and richer, your business more profitable and your family fulfilling and fun.

The question is, “What is the best path to those goals?” You could just launch out and create the best program possible using your innate intelligence, but, truth is, most people, no, 99% of people won’t and don’t do that.

Whether they realize it or not people chose models to emulate. So here is another truth…

Your current path in your life, business, and family is based on some model, whether you realize it or not.

The question is, “How is your current model working?”
Most likely your model is not the best model in the world. You can look for yourself and see. Sure there are a lot of good things about your model; otherwise you would have already changed it. That’s why people divorce and change jobs. Unconscientiously you have weighed the benefits against the liabilities of your situation and have settled on where you have ended up. “It is not that bad,” you think to yourself.

The problem is that “not that bad” is not the best.

So today I am going to sending you on a quest to find the best model possible for your life, business, and family. Here is the good news; we live in the information age where there is more information than you can possible use! So there is absolutely no excuse for not getting better.

One of the best models for married life is John Gottman’s Sound Marital House model . Do your marriage a favor; go to Settle, attend a Gottman marriage workshop, learn the best that research has to offer, and get a new model for marriage.

There are dozens of great business models. Currently I’m listening to Seth Godin on marketing. But, I’ll tell you, what really turns me on is the Keller Williams Millionaire Real Estate Agent model. It is EXCITING!

Keller point out that people need models because they don’t know what they don’t know. The value of a model is that it lays out the path taken by others who have done it successfully, so that you don’t have to reinvent the wheel or use “trial and error” to fumble your way to through with no guarantee of success. Keller has also written Millionaire Real Estate Agent… another great model!

When it comes to a better model for life you cannot do better than Jesus, just about everyone agrees on that. What they disagree about is how the church interprets it. But most people agree that Jesus, his emphasis on love, justice, fairness, even connecting with God is just a great model! To sum it up; Love God , and love your neighbor as yourself.

But my point for today is this: You need models to take you to the next level of your development in life, business and family. There is a next level, a better way to live, but you have to go after it. An even better marriage, a fabulous business that will help you meet all your life goals, and a dynamic growing life is yours… if you follow the models.

I love you- Bryan Martin

First things first; Happy 11th Birthday Brennan Fabre Martin!  We look forward to seeing you soon.

The value I give you today is how to schedule and plan time for healthy fun and relaxing. This could extend the quality and length of your life.

Today, actually tonight, I am hiking 16+ miles to the top of Half Dome and back under the full moon lit night sky. It’s my second night hike of my 20+ Half Dome hikes. I love this hike so much that I purchased the domain HalfDomeHiker.com so I could help and encourage others. I haven’t done anything with the domain yet, but it is full of promise.

I have been planning this relaxing hike for a long time. Note that I said “relaxing.” Experts consider it a “strenuous” hike but for me it fills me up. It has been on my calendar for months.

Ever since the economic down turn we have been working 12 to 14 hour days. With the value of properties declining you have to sell more houses to maintain your pre-recession income. For a lot of real estate agents selling more houses is just a way to make ends meet. Everybody I know is working more.

We knew that this down turn would last through 2010 but it looks like things won’t turn until 2011 or 2012 and that the recover will be very slow to come.

We can keep up this pace as long as we rejuvenate on a regular basis. But with limited time and money, how do you do it?

1) Use the calendar and schedule time away. Jennifer and I are working everyday but we are taking one three day weekend of a month.
2) Take advantage of work related travel. We have to go to Austin on business several times this summer so we are going to combine some fun with our trips.
3) Use the time you have at home well. We have a lovely home with a pool. An afternoon and evening spent sitting around the pool is better than the Hilton!
4) Take short trips. We love going up to Bass Lake and sitting in the restaurant by the lake. The few hours it takes breaths life into our weary bones. This is where hiking Half Dome comes in. It is just a few hours away to one of the most beautiful places in the world! Did you know you can rent or take your bike and ride around Yosemite Valley? Amazing!
5) Enjoy lunch or dinner with friends. We lunch with our buddies often and every Wednesday we enjoy a meal and fellowship with our Kinship group.
6) Go to church; Sunday morning is a great to visit with friends, recharge your spirit and get motivated.

There are dozens and dozens of ways to recharge your batteries, even in the recession. Pull out the calendar, schedule your life giving events, and beat the work weary routine of the recession.

I love you – Bryan Martin